i love you. i really do. i'd give you the world if i could. as long as you'd be happy for once. as long as you'd smile for more than just a few minutes, hours.

but i feel so helpless. i started to pull myself away because i was afraid that one day i'd just end up finding out that you were gone. i wouldn't have been able to handle that all that well. because i care about you a lot. i don't even think you know just how much i care, how much you mean to me, how scared i get everytime carly tells me something about you and how much i worry that next time things will end up much worse and i will lose you. the thought terrifies me. because i wouldn't ever want to lose you from my life. but it feels like i am sometimes and i hate it. and i hate that you're not happy. and i hate that you have to depend on things to be happy. i wish you'd give them all up. i wish you'd cheer up. i wish you'd know how happy you make me. you make me so happy just by being yourself and being.. there. you don't even have to say much because somehow i know that you care about me too. and you make me smile and none of my problems seem to have any significance whenever we talk.

i really hope one day you realize how much you have to offer and what an amazing person you really are, because anyone that has ever really known you should be able to tell how selfless you are and what a beautiful soul you have. and i hope you also realize that i'm always here and i'm not going away anytime soon.

thank you for being in my life. just please don't ever give up on me and this world. we need you.

so hello good friend..
i wanna be next to you
from my head
from my heart
for its true....

mixtapes and memories